She Loves Me; She Loves Me Not

2010-10-27T11:08:00.001-07:00

Wow, haven't written anything in years. Now suddenly I have issues and I don't know what else to do. So lemme just get right to it.

Her alias here is Roxas. Yes it is a girl, and yes I am a girl. (I've been bisexual for years now, thx.) Gah, where do I even begin? She goes to my school and I constantly find myself wanting to be around her. We've had a falling out for the last year and a half because it was the stereotypical 'girl gets boyfriend and suddenly neglects her actual friends' kinda scenario.

So then on my birthday, which happened to be Oct 21st, I decided to strap on a non-existent pair and go talk to her. We talked about school, family and music. Regular boring shit, y'know? I loved it. Then we finally segued into the topic of 'us.' Well, there is no us, haha.

She just wants to be friends. How often is that said in the movies and fanfics?? I know it was a common occurrence, but I never thought it'd hurt so much..

Oh and the best part:

(Me) -pulls her into a hug-

She returns it; yay ~

"-insert Roxas' real name here-, can I kiss you?"

-SILENCE-

(Roxas) "...I don't think that's something I can do."

(Me) -dies-

Well, what was I expecting? ><>

She didn't like... push me away or anything, but when I was holding her close to me, she said, "This is a little too intimate for me." I would like to die.

UGHH, I can't believe I cried in front of her. She was crying too.. a bit. We were talking about our friendship. Well, she was, I was thinking of how that's all we have.

I WANT MORE. I don't know how to be a good friend, but I really want to try to be a significant other for her. It's stupid I know. But nowadays, I don't know whether to just go with the flow or be greedy as hell, and just indulge in the few touches she lets me have (which are quite a few, and lemme tell ya, they fucking make me fly).

She is so perfect..

Every night, I cry out her name. It's kinda weird... but somehow, saying that name makes me feel a fraction better. It makes me miss her, and like it.

I think my dream, is to lie down with her, with absolutely no clothing on. For like, a whole night.

Holy fuck, if I ever did that... I think I'd commit suicide the next morning. Cuz like, that's it for me. That is the highest my life will ever get to. And I don't mind that at all :]

She has such cute hands... I've always found hand that are a little wider at the tips to be so adorable! I want to hold those hands all night long, wrapping my arms around her sleeping body. I just.. -aaah- I want it so much.

You know, it was funny. I told her (I don't know why): "You know how I'm like.. sex-crazed? I'd frikking, give all that up and be celibate for how ever long you want, if there was some chance in the future that I'd be able to do something like that with you."

WOW, I know right? I'm fucked up xD

But.. It's true. I think I'd do that for her. I'd be fucking hard as HELL, but I'd do my best.

Oh yeah, if you haven't realized already: she's as pure as fuck. Only goes out with people she likes first. Wants to have sex after she's married. Doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs... she's so innocent.

And to top it all off, because I'm tired... SHE'S STRAIGHT :D

Kill me now.

xDellfin

TAKE BACK EVER WORD I SAID, EVER SAID TO YOU

She Loves Me; She Loves Me Not